I was told to write a blog about anything. “To present the writings of different generations, the writings of people from the different ages”. So, here is one from a 20-year-old mind that is emotionally critical, but I dare say: rational - for being a literature student has taught me the inevitable aspect and value of subjectivity.

Here is a piece that I wrote out in the midst of feeling several heavy emotions over the complexity of human nature and life. Don’t blame me! I was at the peak of my teen years, and life lessons seemed to be thrown at me all at once. Just how much could a 19-year-old soul manage without feeling overwhelmed?

17 August 2019, 5.34pm

The most prominent lesson I’ve learnt and been holding on to for the past 8 months is that if you place yourself in a humble position when observing the world, you’ll realise how complexed we are as human beings. And through that we’ll learn to set humble expectations in life.

Problems and challenges are inevitable and are always there to keep us occupied in this world. Some are good at hiding them, some deny that reality, while some are brave enough to embrace and be open about it. The world is after all said to be a test for the soul in the afterlife.

This is where the complication starts -- our different coping mechanisms. I would say that one’s coping mechanism is as unique as one’s thumbprint, for it is shaped based on their individual experiences. So, no one copes the same way as we do, hence why the advice from others can sometimes turn hurtful, words of comfort sometimes turn into words of pain, and the strong connection between two parties suddenly weakens. We are simply not coming from the same page.

Understanding, or rather, trying to understand someone is hence a deliberate choice that we make. This strongly parallels how love between individuals eventually becomes a choice, not a feeling that sustains a relationship. (Sincere and everlasting) Effort is what supports this.

The choices we make essentially become the foundation of the life we choose to construct. Here are some examples:

Your best friend’s partner has an awful character, but you CHOSE to keep that fact to yourself because you see how in love she is with him. And respecting boundaries even towards the people you love and care for is important to you.

Walking out of that person’s life would leave a huge void in them but you CHOSE to still do so because you realised you’re incomplete as an individual. You realised the need to fill your own tank first.

---These all sound valid, right? But when,

Your friend ends up in an abusive relationship and is struggling to get out of it because you didn’t voice out your instincts,

You were that person’s only companion, and your actions have caused her to develop severe trust issues with people. She has forgotten how to love,

The life we CHOSE to construct is suddenly backfired, and it is as though WE have caused damage. As much as it was never our intention, there is no denying that the very decision we made caused damage to others, including the very people we love.

Am I wrong to say that having choices itself is thus a privilege that can, however, be detrimental? This is because the choices we make would not necessarily be the choice that is right for the people around us. Although we know this at the back of our minds, we tend to forget that our life is not solely ours. We’re living for others too -- our parents, our children, our family and beloved friends. So how do you actually identify what’s the right thing to do since there will always be opportunity costs anyway?

Today

10 months have passed and here I am now, still in shock to find this in my “Notes” application as I was clearing the grocery list. Just how troubled and hurt was I? It made me giggle a little but I’m quite impressed at how the disturbed mind is capable of producing such thoughts.

I guess the answer I’ll give to my 10-months-ago self is to make decisions out of the basic intention of love and sincerity. They may not be perceived in the same way for the other party since those qualities are subjective, but that’s what life is about isn’t it? Subjectivity. Literature and even religious texts have various interpretations due to subjectivity. The only thing that’s left for us to do when that happens is to apologise and to also forgive ourselves for not knowing better. There is however never a need to apologise for doing things out of love especially when it is done with pure intentions.

Essentially, if we all navigate the world with grace, if we all take a step back to see how insignificant we are in this universe, our problems are suddenly subverted as the opportunity to learn and grow. They are no longer an issue - a word that often holds a negative connotation.

I guess this is why they say “when things are bad, say Alhamdulillah. And when things are going great, say Astafirghullah. Because prayers become shorter and less genuine when there is no hardship”. Hardship keeps you grounded as a servant of Allah SWT.

“So verily, with hardship comes ease

Verily, with hardship comes ease”

To always try and navigate the world with grace is my life motto. What’s yours?

Salam Eid everyone.

With love,